It happened in a blink

Break-ups are weird. To the people who are reading this, and have experienced a break-up, know exactly what I'm talking about, and those of you who haven't, I pray you never feel this type of pain.

The longer you are with someone, the more they become a part of your life (obviously). You meet someone, and then you spend valuable time getting to know them. You share your dreams, your fears, your insecurities, and your hard past. You begin to like them more and more. You hang out with them, and so the memories start. It's almost like you don't remember what life was like before them. You look forward to seeing them and talking to them. You have a jar that sits on your dresser or maybe a box that's under your bed, filled with movie ticket stubs from all the movies you've seen together, baseball game tickets from your first baseball game together (of both of your favorite teams rivaling each other.) You have tickets to the aquarium, or pictures from your first date...It's all in there.

When you date, you don't just date just to be with someone, you date someone because you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. As time passes, you both begin to discuss things like what your children's names will be, you meet each others families, and attend special events together. You talk more seriously about moving closer to one another, and what life will be like when that happens. 

He's calls you beautiful even when your hair is a mess and you have no makeup on. He participates in activities that he thinks are crazy, but you love to do, so he stands alongside you, and does them. He's kind, humble, loves God, and loves you. Yes. He loves you. 

Reality begins to set in, stress becomes overwhelming, and it seems like loving has become more of a task rather than a privilege. And before you know it, it happens. It ends. A break up. In one day, in one little minute, in a mere blink, someone goes from being your best friend, to a stranger. It ends in tears and broken hearts. You hope and pray that something will change their mind, but it's too late for saving or changing of minds. Your whole world turns upside down. All you can think about is the memories that you have, and how all of it means nothing now. You take down all the pictures and throw away all the tangible memories. As you stand over the last photo taken of the two of you, you began to break down and cry. Not only remembering the past that you've spent together, but also the loss of a future that you had planned together. You weep until you cant breathe. Not only have you lost a piece of your life, but you've also lost a second family that had adopted you as their own.  The only thing you want to do is sleep. Forget it all.... You crawl into bed hoping to wake up and this all be a dream. 

You toss and turn, you have nightmares, you can't sleep, and the nightmares become real. The next day you wake up and you don't want to move, because you know once you do, your life without them has become real, and it's something you don't want to face. You lie in you bed until the very last minute. You don't have a text from them like you used to, you don't even know if they still care. When you do make your way out of the bed that was making everything feel safe, you stand up, alone. You don't feel motivated to do anything, not even eat (which is something you love to do). As you make your way through the day, things spring up that remind you of them. Their favorite hot sauce that you bought for them, that sits in your cupboard and they never even got to use. Or the coat they bought you, and now you feel guilty wearing it. People ask how you're doing, and if you're okay, in all honesty, the answer is, no. No...You're not okay. You're broken and lost someone who you were supposed to spend your life with. Someone you were supposed to continue to grow with, and love them longer, much longer.... 

I know God has something bigger and better in store, it's just impossible for me to comprehend right now. But, something I've learned in the past 24 hours is how much people truly care about me. I've received endless phone calls, texts, and snapchats encouraging me, and reminding me that everything is going to be okay. Even from people I never expected to care that much about me, do. I believe that it's okay that I am broken hearted right now. In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, It says there is a time to plant and time to uproot, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to tear and a time to mend. I'm in a time of mourning. I'm in a time of losing a man that I loved. He isn't my best friend anymore, he's more like a stranger, and the more time goes on, the less I am going to know about him, and how he is doing, and who he is turning out to be. I know I will miss his smile, the way he worshipped God, praying together, having inside jokes, and most importantly just who he was as a person and his passions and desires to love people and Christ. 

I know Jesus is by my side through it all... He will make all things work together for my good. Romans 5:3-5 says: Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Thank you Jesus for that Hope. I pray, and ask others to pray with me, that I will see that hope sooner than later. And for my little heart to be mended as fast as it was broken. In a blink.

1-19-2016

After your season of suffering, God in all His grace will restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 
1 Peter 5:10