God never gives us more than we can handle.

My dad and his brother Adam

Today, April 20th, is my dad's 42nd birthday. I haven't seen him or spoken to him for at least 18 years. He left for California when I was 3. He might of hurt me and my mother, I love my daddy. Sometimes I ask myself how do I love someone that I don't even remember? I really don't know. He's my daddy, whether he's physically here or not. Even where I have empty spots and holes in my heart from missing something, God takes time out of HIS schedule to fill in MY heart.  It's an inside battle all the time thinking what could of been if I had my dad around. What if he just called me one day? What if he still cares about me?  What if he thinks about me everyday? What if he has a new daughter? A happy family? What if he wishes me a happy birthday on MY birthday?

My struggle to find my dad and get in contact with him will never end until the day that I take my last breath.

I've been observing my life lately, and I've been hurt a lot. I've been raised by an alcoholic mother. I was put into foster care when I was 8. I was then introduced to my home church Tri-County worship center. My mom has been in and out of jail. I've lived with friends. I've seen my mom almost beat to death. I've been in the same house as high older men. I've seen my mom come stumbling in the door at 3 AM drunk. I've seen the worst of the worst, but I wouldnt give anything up for the world. I would never change one night, one phone call, one conversation, one word. What I have been through has brought me to be the person that I am today. God broke me in half. God really cut me to the core. He needed to show me what NOT to do in life. There was no other way that I would've learned it. Even though I was broken and hurting, God met me where I was, and accepted me. He told me if I turned to him everything would be okay. I hurt, so that someday I can help the hurting. It's my calling. Gods love has guided the way for my feet and he has a special purpose for my life.

Everyday is stressful for students. We have tests, work, school to pay for, projects, meetings, etcetc. I remind myself of this "So don't ever worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"- Matthew 6:34. 

I am thankful for all the people that have come into my life to encourage me. You really have a special place in my heart.

This weekend Tri-County is having cardboard testimonies at the end of our service, and I was asked to participate. Basiaclly what it is, is a piece of cardboard where on one side you write a few words or a sentence about what your life what like before Jesus, and then on the flip side, you write about what God has done to change that.

Mine will read: "Raised by an alcoholic single mother who dated abusers (On the flip side) Now guided by Gods love to attend college and help others who are hurting" Click here to see a youtube video of a cardboard testimony

God teaches everyone differently, and the things that he put me through in life were just his way of teaching me my lessons. His plan is perfect, and so much bigger and better than mine. God has a hope and a future for ME. And for you. Never lose faith no matter what you're going through. If God brings you to it,. He will bring you through it.
Happy Birthday daddy.

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