Am I?

You're ugly.


You're  stupid.


You're worthless.


You're a piece of ....

Stop. 

Don't tell me what I am, and what I am not. So many times in my life have I been called different names, been made fun of, and brought down to the ground just by someones actions, or even just their words. Being human, we all live off one another and crave attention and opinions from other people. But when negative things are said or done to you, you never forget them.
When I was in elementary school my step father would walk past the kitchen table where I would sit and do my homework, and he would pull my pigtail and say, "you're stupid". When I was 12 a boy told me no one would ever like me because I am ugly. When I was 16 my moms boyfriend told me my mom would always love men more than me. When I was 19, my boyfriend told me I was a piece of shit. 
Little do these people know, these words will be with me forever, no matter how hard I try to forget. They cut me deep, and these scars will never fade.
Though no one admits it, we often desire judgments from other people, we do want to know what they think, and we want to know what we're like, not from our own perspective. But when people tell you hurtful things, you always remember those over the positive things you've been told. I need to run and chase after my dreams, and not after people or things. People and things will ALWAYS let you down. God will place the right people in my life (and your life), when the time is also right. Someday, when God knows it's the right time, he will reveal my "Mr. Right" to me.
This is me being real right now. I always try to help people out so much, when I can't even help myself. Most of the time, I can't even take my own advice. I would tell my friends or the Jr. Highers not to listen to these negative people in their lives and to forget the harsh words, and move on and look at the positive. But truthfully, words like that hurt, and I can't stop staring at them and thinking they were said TO me, ABOUT me. About me, Amanda Wright, I'm stupid? I'm ugly? I'm a piece of shit? Am I? What am I?
My life hasn't been the best. I haven't made the smartest decisions. That's why I always push people to do the right things, and to avoid the things I've been through. I don't want anyone to live through hurtful situations that I've had to experience. I apologize if I come off too strong, or if I am too pushy, or different from other girls. I've learned my lessons, and I don't want to be like anyone else. I am tired of people always trying to bring me down. I need to do the things that make me happy, and once I am happy, the people around me will consequently become happy as well. I need to follow my dreams. The plan God has for me. Not listen to the negative words, rather, listen to the good things, and encourage others to do good. I want to live the life I have always wanted. My favorite quote of all time :  "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams; Live the life you've imagined"-Thoreau
People will come and go, some will be remembered, some will be forgotten- Words will come and go, some will be remembered, and some forgotten. Remember through it all what you're worth. No matter what, you're beautiful and mean something to me. I may not even know you, but you're special and you have a purpose. I believe in you and your dreams. Pursue them. Let go of the people that hurt you, and stick with the ones who make you happy.


Now... I need to take my own advice....

Someone is always trying to bring me down, and I try so hard to keep my head above water. There is something I need to learn better, and that's to rely on my Lord and Savior who will never tear me down, who will never call me names other than his princess, and his beautiful daughter. Do the same. You're loved.

 

"Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds 
in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely,
remember, it's true, somebody, somewhere is thinking of you"