“You’ve changed so much. I guess that’s what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine’s different. My God, you taught me so much, and now we don’t even talk to each other. I guess that’s what happens.”
Dear Friends,
This college experience has really done a lot for me. It has had its ups and downs, but all in all, it has really shown me who I am, and who I want to be.
I have met some friends who I know will ALWAYS be there for me, no matter what happens. Some people say I have changed for the worse, but I tend to disagree. I came to college not knowing what to expect, but now I know these are the next four years of my life where relationships are going to be MADE and KEPT for the REST OF MY LIFE. So I know that people at home are thinking that because I went to KU that all my friends are going to be bad influences. But really, they are some of the best friends I have ever had. So some of them do party, but Hello! Wake up call! Welcome to college! They have never pressured me to drink or do anything that I don’t want to, and they know where I stand with all of that, and completely respect me, which I find very fond in a friendship.
Now I want to talk about change, and what it brings to the table. NO ONE is going to be the same entering/leaving college. I can promise you that. I think the reason that friends are so close in college is because they come to college and change together. They learn about friends weakness and strengths, and look at each other from a different view point from the other people in high school. Some people become very busy in college and are in a lot of clubs and organizations, while others tend to do other things on their free time. College is a time of growing up for everyone. Either living by yourself, or just having the independence to finally decide small things like “Do I really want to go to class today or not” are the things that change people. How they decide to show the world what they are up to. Whether they brag about the latest party they went to, or tell their friends about the cool event coming up that they have on campus. That truly shows someone how that person lives.
I am really unsure as to where this note is/was going, but I just feel like everyone from home is really miss interpreting me, and my decisions with my life. As most of you know. my mom is back in jail and it’s been really hard on me, even though I don’t show it. I bottle my feelings up until they explode, because I rather be the girl who is always happy and smiling, than the girl who has problems. Trying to balance school work, home life, friendships from home, friendships at KU, Big brother big sister, Relay for life, Ace, and most importantly the “love of my life”, has been EXTREMELY hard. Maybe it’s just me, but people don’t really get me. They have never walked in my shoes, and they have no idea where I am coming from. Which makes things even harder. Some people told me that I have become “harsher”, but in reality, i just see a girl, trying to make it in this world. i am so sick of being walked all over my whole life, and having every other persons decisions wrongly affect my life, so I am just sticking up for myself, because I know what I want, and what I need in life, and if that takes being harsh then so be it.
I am also sorry if this note has offended anyone, but I guess its a slight slice of how I feel right now, and people just don’t understand what’s REALLY going on (all you ever see is what is on facebook), because you are not here with me. Even though I wish some of you were. Things will change. People will change. I guess I suggest that you either learn to love the person they have become, or forget about them. I may not of made all the right choices, but mostly, this is who I am going to be, and I am still changing, and will not stop until the day I take my last breath.
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